Overheard In College Park

2007-05-10T22:10:00.000-05:00

Thirty Days Hath September...

Random guy in class: How many days in August? 28?

Overheard in bio lecture

Overheard by Alyssa

2007-04-26T13:46:00.000-05:00

This Gives Phone Tag a Whole New Meaning

Journalism Nerd: You have to be passive-aggressive in the newsroom. What's the alternative, being actively aggressive and winging a phone at the guy? That never goes over well.

journalism building

overheard by: "Yeah, but it looks cool"

2007-04-25T18:52:00.000-05:00

Yes, a professor actually said this. No, it wasn't like it sounded

Professor: George Bush lynches black people. George Bush ordered his Justice Department to arrest black people.

class somewhere

Frank Trapasso

2007-04-10T19:53:00.000-05:00

Most Profs Do This The First Time

"Missing a deadline is a bad thing. Do it again and I'll stick my shoe straight up your ass. If you're missing a limb, if you're crucified, I don't care."

journalism building

overheard by Frank Trapasso

2007-04-04T23:37:00.000-05:00

Fucking Journalism School. Hmm.

Geometrical Genius: "I'm going to draw some rectangles and then I think everything will be a lot clearer."

-Journalism Building

overheard by Frank Trapasso

2007-03-29T02:06:00.000-05:00

You Shouldn't Make Fun of People with Scars

Disgruntled Dude: FUCK THAT! He's so ugly! He looks like a fucking blonde Harry Potter!

-Outside The Diner

Overheard by: Alyssa

2007-02-23T15:29:00.000-05:00

Actually They Manage to Have Two Years in the Time It Takes Us to Have One, Because the Chinese are Just THAT Efficient.

White Girl to Asian Guy: "So..., how often is Chinese New Year?"

outside of the Mitchell Building on Chinese New Year

-overheard by Tom

2007-02-17T23:11:00.000-05:00

Passionate About Soup

Guy: What's your favorite kind of soup?
Girl: I don't know... Progresso.
Guy: Yucchh!
Girl: What?! Why? What's your favorite?
Guy: NOT PROGRESSO! Campbells.
Girl: Uh, Campbells is SO overrated.
Guy: YOUR MOM is overrated!
Girl: That's not what she said last night!
Guy: ... uh, that doesn't make sense.

- behind me in line for farecards at College Park Metro

overheard by Tom

2007-02-17T23:07:00.000-05:00

His Reasoning is Solid

Guy: Okay, first of all you're a bitch. No. 1 'cause you're a bitch. No.2 'cause you don't even know me.

-outside of the Armory

overheard by Tom

2007-01-25T13:14:00.000-05:00

I Think Revenge Tastes Better

Guy: Egg salad is a dish best served cold.

--North Campus Diner

Overheard by Alyssa

2006-12-14T10:41:00.000-05:00

Alliteration Anyone?

Guy on cell: I'm paranoid I have a parasite or something...

By the stonehenge thing by the mall

-overheard by napoleon

2006-11-14T14:31:00.000-05:00

If You're Drunk and You Know it... Byrd Stadium Edition

Girl 1: Katie, Katie! Where's Steven?
Girl 2: In my pants.
----
Girl 1 or 2: I'm drunk dialing my dad!

--Byrd Stadium

Overheard by Jenny and Alyssa

2006-11-08T17:24:00.000-05:00

Billy, Johnny, What's the Difference?

Guy: Now Johnny Holliday is over there talking to Darryl. Do you know who Johnny Holliday is?
Girl: Isn't he a singer?

--Comcast Center

Overheard by Alyssa

2006-10-16T21:18:00.000-05:00

They Have Feelings Too, You Know

Girl: Why would you ever kick a squirrel?

Guy: I wanted to see if I could do it.

--outside Ellicott

Overheard by Alyssa

2006-10-16T21:15:00.000-05:00

Bizarre Twist on a Horror Classic

Guy: It would be like The Hills Have Eyes, except with Koreans.

--Path by Shipley Field

Overheard by Alyssa

2006-10-14T21:15:00.000-05:00

Sad, But True

Guy: We're number one! ... In violent crime!

-Ludwig Field

Overheard by Juliet and Alyssa

2006-10-14T21:11:00.000-05:00

I'm Not Even From Maryland and I Think this is Ridiculous

Little girl: She's so ghetto, she's from Montgomery county.

-Outside the women's bathroom at Ludwig Field

Overheard by Alyssa

2006-10-08T15:10:00.000-05:00

Don't Drop the SoaP

(The captain of the plane is bit by a snake)
Guy a Couple Rows Behind Me: "This movie's fucked up! Black people are supposed to die first!"

at 9:45pm showing of Snakes on a Plane at Hoff

overheard by Tom

2006-10-05T15:00:00.000-05:00

uhhh... Okayyy....

Guy at the counter: I'm sorry. Don't shoot the messenger.
Old Woman: I'd rather shoot the police...

-infront of the ID counter at the Mitchell Building

overheard by Tom

2006-10-02T19:03:00.000-05:00

No, it's nothing like pole-vaulting

chick #1: So I had to explain to Jen what pole dancing is.
chick #2: Pole dancing? Oh I know what that is!

outside of Baltimore Hall

-overheard by Elizabeth

2006-09-29T13:16:00.000-05:00

I think he works at Cluck-U, with Tupac

One lunchlady to another in crazy Hispanic accent while holding Dane Cook "Employee of the Month" movie poster: Oh my gaaaaaahhhh! He looks goooooood. I could do with him right now...employee of the month? Where he work?!

-North Campus Diner

Overheard by: Tina

2006-09-24T19:27:00.000-05:00

Seven Rounds is the Limit

Girl A: How can her pigtails look that perfect after 5 rounds of sex?
Girl B: She must have a whole kit in her purse... a hair brush, makeup, condoms...
Girl C: Plan B...

Overheard by Melissa

2006-09-21T16:17:00.000-05:00

This Roommate Situation Is Working out Great

Guy #1: My roommate pissed me off so much. He was having sex while I was wide awake, so I kicked the top bunk.
Guy #2: Ew
Guy #3 a few spots back in line: Actually we didn't go all the way that night.

In the Jalepeno Grill Line

-overheard by napoleon

2006-09-21T14:38:00.000-05:00

Maybe He's a Jew for Jesus...

A Presbyterian, Mormon, Indian, and Jew are in the elevator discussing Bible study...

Presbyterian (to Jew): Yea, you can come. You can read the Old Testament. Just don't bring your Jew book!

--Hagerstown Elevator

Overheard by: Tina

2006-09-18T00:37:00.000-05:00

In other news, a shipment of lettuce just came in

Guy: Forty percent of the spinach supply is contaminated!
Girl: I bet you didn't even know we had a spinach supply.

outside of Chipotle

overheard by Napoleon and Joe W

2006-09-18T00:35:00.000-05:00

Aren't they one and the same?

Girl: Isn't that called sodomy? Or is that when you shit on someone?

-outside of north campus diner

overheard by Tracey

2006-09-08T15:51:00.000-05:00

Someone Skipped His Geometry Class

Douchebag: She was a triangle man! I'm talking T and A.

-Ellicott Quad

Overheard by: j-po

2006-09-02T16:25:00.000-05:00

SEGA's Sonic vs. Nintendo's Super Mario

Guy 1: Yeah, but Super Mario had the princess...
Guy 2: I'd rather fuck the squirrel than that square-ass bitch!

the path along Byrd Stadium

-overheard by Thomas

2006-09-02T14:44:00.000-05:00

That will solve everything

Girl to her friend: Remember? Remember? I need a baby!

South Campus Diner

-overheard by Napoleon

2006-08-03T10:17:00.000-05:00

Overheard in the Summertime?

Girl: Well, it doesn't really matter how long a guy's dick is. I mean, after a certain point there aren't even that many nerves in the vagina.
Guy: That penis has got a lot of NERVE, coming in here!!

outside of Denton

-overheard by Allison

2006-05-15T23:19:00.000-05:00

In other words, I hate you

Girl: My love for you is greater than my desire to swim the ocean

Denton lobby

-overheard by Michael

2006-05-09T14:38:00.000-05:00

And Here I Am, Thinking They are Interchangeable...

Girl: Did you say "whorebag" or did you say "Hornbake"?

--outside of Hagerstown

Overheard by Alyssa

2006-05-09T14:36:00.000-05:00

Maybe He Likes it in There

Girl: You're in my bubble! You're in my bubble!

--outside CompSci

Overheard by Alyssa

2006-05-09T14:26:00.000-05:00

I Hope She Wasn't at the Health Center

Girl: ...and then the animal sprawled, and the doctor was like 'Put it in the coffin.'

--The Diner

Overheard by: Tuna

2006-05-07T18:25:00.000-05:00

She also thinks the Pope isn't Catholic

Wife: Do you want to eat at Choopie?
Husband: That's not how you pronounce it honey, it's Mexican.
Wife: No it's not!

outside of Chipotle

-overheard by napoleon and keith

2006-05-06T22:52:00.000-05:00

It's Never Stopped Her Before

Sorority Girl1: You can sit on my lap!
Sorority Girl2 in short skirt: No I can't, I'm not wearing underwear.
Sorority Girl1: What??
Sorority Girl2 in short skirt: It was one of those things that just sort of happened when I was getting dressed, then I came outside and was like, why is it so cold? And then I realized...OOhhhh, that's why it's so cold.

Orange Bus

-overheard by Napoleon

2006-04-30T18:42:00.000-05:00

Inspirational Eavesdrop

Girl on phone: "We've been together a couple of months and still haven't had sex on the football field..."

--Outside of Byrd Stadium

Overheard by Zach

2006-04-27T21:51:00.000-05:00

He'll Probably Win the Race...

Little boy: Man, I don't feel like running anymore. Man, I want to jack up that motorcycle now.

--Ludwig Field Track

Overheard by: j-po

2006-04-27T14:24:00.000-05:00

Some Like it Rough

Guy on cell: She hugged me, and then she fuckin' bit my shoulder!!

--Outside of Byrd Stadium

Overheard by: j-po

2006-04-26T14:56:00.000-05:00

Stick That in your Pipe and Smoke it

Girl 1: I don't get it. I felt like I had Tourette's today.

Girl 2: It's probably from all the weed you smoked you sick fuck.

--near the M

Overheard by Alyssa

2006-04-25T21:07:00.000-05:00

That's What Friends Are For...

Girl: I'll freaking kill him for you if you want. That way you can get over him, literally.

--The Diner

Overheard by: j-po and Tuna

2006-04-25T20:39:00.000-05:00

Quiznos Gives her Nightmares Too

Girl1: Do you know how scared I am of flying? I'm scared as shit.
Girl2: Yeah, even the subways scare you.
Girl3 singing: Subwaaay...Eat Fresh!

Orange Bus

overheard by Napoleon

2006-04-25T18:08:00.000-05:00

Come Again?

Guy on bike: So, uh, I guess you're my sex surrogate now...

--outside of HHP

overheard by Alyssa

2006-04-25T14:39:00.000-05:00

I wonder how she's doing in those classes...

Girl on cell: I don't have quizzes in any of my classes, except one. Actually, two. Actually, three. Ok, I guess I was wrong.

--Outside the Health Center

Overheard by: j-po

2006-04-24T21:48:00.000-05:00

Credit Score Took a Nosedive

Cashier: The credit card thing is broken so could everyone with cash please step to the front?
Girl stepping to the front: I have credit!

Wawa

overheard by Keith

2006-04-23T21:15:00.000-05:00

Crossword Confusion

Guy: You know what a gaspedal is? Really?
Girl doing crossword: A gas pedal?

Chem lab

Overheard by Alyssa

2006-04-20T17:21:00.000-05:00

They actually looked more like professors

Old Lady 1: We look like Lewis and Clark!
Old Lady 2: No way I'm Sacajewea baby.

outside of CSPAC

overheard by napoleon

2006-04-19T12:59:00.000-05:00

I Didn't Get it until the 3rd Line

Girl 1: Mine used to be a lot bigger.
Girl 2: Really?
Girl 1: Then again, I think I was fatter back then.

-Denton Elevator

Overheard by: j-po

2006-04-18T14:23:00.000-05:00

Tuesday Overheards from the Mall

Indie Chick #1: Screw belts! The only thing they're good for is strangling people.

and later...

Indie Chick #1: Haha...actually, that's you Maureen. You're risen from the dead.

and still...

Maureen: I could sit here all day and make sexual innuendos.

--The Mall, by McKeldin

Overheard by: j-po

2006-04-17T23:53:00.000-05:00

It's So Expensive Everywhere Else

Guy1: Hey Everybody, I hear that girls will have sex with you for free at Leonardtown!

Room Selection meeting
Colony Ballroom

-overheard by Napoleon

2006-04-11T23:49:00.000-05:00

The Roommate Still Hasn't Gotten the Hint

Girl1: Whenever I go back to my room, my roommate turns on her music, but I really just want to listen to my music.
Girl2: Is her music any good?
Girl1: Yeah, I just get tired of listening to rap all the time.
Girl2: Do you ever ask her to wear headphones?
Girl1: Sometimes I tell her to turn off her light when I go to sleep.
Girl2: Good.

outside of La Plata

overheard by Napoleon

2006-04-11T14:48:00.000-05:00

Human Remains = Easy A

Girl 1: It's not that difficult. You just have to measure skulls.
Girl 2: Skulls?!?

-Sidewalk by La Plata beach

Overheard by: j-po & Sue

2006-04-11T14:47:00.000-05:00

Don't We All?

Girl: (shouting) I really just wanna get laid!!!

-Outside the Diner

Overheard by: j-po

2006-04-11T14:38:00.000-05:00

She didn't happen to be a lunatic only on the full moon, did she?

Girl: That's the whole thing with werewolves...that's why they call her a lunatic.

-Easton Hall

Overheard By: Juliet

2006-04-06T22:35:00.000-05:00

Never have I ever...

Girl: Never have I ever had buttsex, at least I'll always have that one on you.
Guy: Some day when you're really high...

outside of Cole

-overheard by Napoleon

2006-04-06T22:32:00.000-05:00

Angie Angie Angie

Girl to another girl: And Angie turns to me and says, 'I wrote a song for you...'

the stadium path to stamp

-overheard by Thomas

2006-04-05T14:49:00.000-05:00

Captain Obvious has a Cell Phone

Guy on cell: If you want to start doing acetylcodeine, you have to be careful.

--Sketchy road between Denton Community and The Diner

Overheard By: j-po

2006-04-04T23:31:00.000-05:00

You Had To Be There

Rioter: Everybody, let's tip over the orange bus!
Rioter2: Yeah! Fuck Duke! Woooo!

Rt. 1

overheard by Napoleon

2006-04-02T19:41:00.000-05:00

Axis of Evil?

Crazy Guy: If you ask me, we need to do away with the Germans.

--Corner by Potbelly's

Overheard By: j-po

2006-04-01T02:28:00.000-05:00

So Many Options

Guy: Who wants to smoke?
Girl: Smoke who? What? Where?

-Rt. 1

overheard by Napoleon and JPo

2006-03-31T07:24:00.000-05:00

Damn Right, They're Better Than Yours

Guy: ...milkshakes.

Girl: Do they bring all the boys to the yard?

--near the chemistry building

overheard by: Alyssa

2006-03-31T07:12:00.000-05:00

I Don't Want to Know How You Know...

Girl on cell: I mean, he's not a virgin, I know he's not!

--near Regents Drive Garage

overheard by: Alyssa

2006-03-30T15:48:00.000-05:00

You Should See Her at Parties

Girl on cell: I like to go to class naked.

-outside of Hornbake

overheard by Ben

2006-03-30T11:27:00.000-05:00

Irony anyone?

Girl: I'm so depressed that I'm failing college. I think I'll go back to the dorm and drink.

--Bio/Pscyh construction area, 11 AM

Overheard By: j-po

2006-03-29T16:09:00.000-05:00

One Liner

North Face Girl: Yeah, you're soo sweet, I don't even black out that often.

-Outside of the Apiary

overheard by napoleon

2006-03-29T16:03:00.000-05:00

Fashion Statement

Girl 1: Hey I love your sunglasses!
Girl 2: Thanks!
Girl 3: Hey I'm wearing sunglasses too, what the f---?
Girl 1: Well, I just like hers better.

-Cambridge Community

overheard by napoleon

2006-03-29T13:01:00.000-05:00

This is the first post on the newly established Overheard In UMCP.

Here are the rules:
1. The quote must be real! Fake quotes are not nearly as funny as some of the truly ridiculous things that are said daily here at CP.
2. The quote must have occurred on Campus, or in the areas associated with campus including Rt. 1, The View, The Metrobus, Frat Houses, etc.
3. PLEASE list the location of where you heard the quote.
4. Please give your name, nickname, screenname, or description of who you are

Email a quote to nmartin1@mail.umd.edu
Also email me if you would like to become a regular contributor to the site!

-Nap